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[23 Jun 2006|11:40pm] |
I have a new Lj
i think i may have posted this before
sihk_dolly
request to be added
♥♥
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[15 Apr 2006|01:36am] |
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so i went to britts today and mom gets home and im not here and derrick came over so she came and got me from britts and we had just smokeda fat ass blunt and she got pissed because i was stoned so i came home and chilled with derrick and his friend for like 15 minutes then hung out around the house and talked to my dads friend josh for alittle while lol my dads friends are so young theyre my age and josh was pretty cool. im probably going over to britts again tomorrow for awhile and then coming home and getting ready and going somewhere else. im so bored with life. and i miss her x10 billion. *sigh*
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[31 Mar 2006|03:42pm] |
im out of cigarettes. my nerves are shot. and i have a couple more hours until my dad gets home. then ill probably just leave. go get stoned. and stay the night at someones house or come home at 1am. i went with micheal the other weekend to ugh buy some things and met his friend adrian. and omg. he is the prettiest thing i have seen in along time. and he brought josh over wednesday and we all smoked. it was cool. i hadnt seen josh in like 2 years or something lol. blakes mom just stopped by to get her dog lol and i walked her through the house b/c he moms mom used to own it and she was telling us about the house and everything lol it was so weird. ugh im going to go take a shower. put in my dreads. put on my make up and get ready to go out tonight =)
♥
♥
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| & everything reminds me of you. |
[30 Mar 2006|10:24pm] |
& every one of my days your not in breaks me.
all i do is think about you.
& all you want to do is hate me.
all the second chances i gave you
& you probably dont even think about me.
i just miss us alot.
and id like to work things out.
even if you just wanted to be friends.
i really want to talk to you.
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[27 Mar 2006|02:18am] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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time for an update.
[[like any of you care]]
so sense my last update alot of shit has happened
feb. was fucking crazy.
the night before the superbowl {which would have been sat. the 4th} my dad read my myspace and rays and pretty much figured us out and decided to tell me about it when we went shopping. then we went to eat. and i had to set and listen to him scream at me calling me a faggot and what not in tacobell. then they kind of kicked me out. and i packed my shit and was going to leave sunday morning...and mom told me sunday morning that i had to get emancipated so i was like ok whatever i cant be in this house with you right now so she took me to my friend brittanys house and i chilled with her till about 10:30 that night and watched the superbowl and listened to crack heads agrue. when i got home. my father and i got into it and he decided to then tell me that i got molested by some woman at church when i was little and he thinks thats why im fucked up. monday i stayed home from school. that week sucked and the next tuesday after school i had megan take me to get my emancipation papers. that week was so depressing. ray came up and i didnt get to see her. because of my parents. the first day she was here she tried to break up with me b/c she didnt want to deal with the whole situation with my parents being assholes about it and i pretty much begged her to stay with me b/c im in love with her and everything and then it was valentines day. which sucked. and made the depressed feeling worse x10billion. and all i did was set around and cry and think about shit. i got to thinking about everything she had said to me about not wanting to deal with my parents bullshit and how she wanted to be able to do things without worrying about what id think and how she wasnt happy. and i decided that id let her go. because i wanted her to be happy. no matter how much it hurt me. and when i did..i ended up hurting her. which hurt me even worse. b/c i promised id never ever hurt her and that was the last thing i wanted to do.then i relized that i fucked up really bad and what i done wasnt what i wanted at all and i wanted her back and i knew i couldnt get her back if i tried and i decided i didnt want to live without her. that friday night-two days after the break up- i went out with some friends. got seriously fucked up with nathan. and decided i didnt care if i died or not. b/c for the past 4 years she had been the only thing that had kept me alive. the only thing i wanted to live for. and she was gone. so nate and i took transines(i have no clue how to spell it correctly). smoked a few ounces. started eating xanexs like candy and stopped by the abc store for some gin. then went to christo's to eat. nate decided he wanted to stay in the car and we went in and was going to eat really fast and then go. well we started eating and nate came in and went to the bathroom and started breaking shit and so we payed for our food and started to walk out to the car when we relized there was a cop waiting for nate. well he broke into some guys car stole his wallet or something and got taken to jail and we went a couple of other places and then home. i remember being at pattys and being back home but only bits and pieces. and when we was at home my friend started crying and asking where i was when i was standing right infront of her. and she layed down and i freaked out b/c i thought she wouldnt wake up b/c i thought she like od'ed so i smoked some more and popped a few more pills and i remember setting there holding her and i guess i passed out because i dont remember anything after that. saturday mom says she called my cell phone like 3 times and i dont remember talking to her or walking out of the house or coming home. and when i got home i went back to bed and slept till 11:30 and it took me 10 minutes to figure out i was in my own room. then i talked to ray. and i cant remember the converstaion. but i do remember talking to her. and it just making things worse. then i went back to bed and sunday morning when i got up i was still fucked up and mom and i got into this fight over "my drug use" and what not and she called the cops on me and they all rushed over and couldnt take me b/c i told them i wasnt suicidal and they told mom to take me to a doctor to see what they thought and they sent me to daymark. which started my rehabilitation and therapy. after that and them finding out i was miserable b/c i lost the love of my life..they got alot happier. and it makes me feel so good to know that my pain brings them great happiness. -few weeks later i talked to ray. told her i loved her. she didnt believe me. told me to get my shit straight. she'd be waiting. and to move down there when i turned 18. that exploded in my face. she got back with her ex. it killed me for a bit. then i decided it was ok because she was happy. and that was what i wanted in the first place. whitney came back after 4 years and all of a sudden wanted to be best friends again. that was weird. we talked for a week. hung out the next weekend. made her cry telling her about jacobs dumb ass. and how he had his great grandparents house broken into. had them robbed and beaten. for money for crack. she's alot more grown up. not so annoying now. ugh. ive been gone alot lately. tuesdays and thursdays i have night school and monday night and wednesday night im usually at britts house and we hang out on friday nights and go anywhere and everywhere and hang out all day on saturdays and i sleep on sundays. this week wasnt to bad. its monday morning at 4:48am or something and i havent actually slept sense like last tuesday. eh. whatever. ill live.
& i miss you.
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[08 Jan 2006|02:08am] |
So. I havent updated in some time now.
In the past few months, ive been through some tough times. but everything has worked out. and everything is fine. i have exams like next week and im really stressed over that. i get to see ralee tuesday, which makes me really happy. we're doing good. <333 i stayed with her over new years weekend. i had lots of fun and my birthday was really amazing this year. and her mom missy ken and g-maw did this little birhday thing awwww it was so sweet. i dont feel 17. and we set out on the beach and watched fireworks on new years. it was amazing. i loves her.
moms taking me shopping tomorrow. i dont know what will come of that.
im dying to go to a good concert. i miss them.
ugh...i dont know what else to write so this is the end.
more later.
<3
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[03 Dec 2005|04:15pm] |
im in love.
with the most beautiful girl in the world.
she makes me happier then you'll ever know.
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[31 Oct 2005|11:44pm] |
this weekend was amamzing.
missy came and picked me up at 7am friday morning
we got to the beach at like 6 something i think
ralee and i went and seen sawII which was really good
then saturday night we got dressed up and went to this haunted house...
there was about 5 people in our group as we walked through and i had to lead everyone
which i think mad it better although i so ran into a wall because it was so dark
it was alot of fun
then sunday we had to come home which made me sad
then today i took my brother trick or treating
and we met up with brittany and her mom and sister and we all went around to different places
i havent talked to ralee all day. ive called a thousand times. i hope shes at work and not avoiding my calls or something. although i dont think she'd do that.
im really effing tired and i havent had a shower so im covered in blood and glitter.
hopefully ill have a picture ost soon
not as if any of youd actually care or comment
but ill still do it out of boredom.
♥
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[25 Oct 2005|12:23am] |
-=Redneck--
1] Do you have a couch in your front yard or porch?: no
2] Do you drive a four-wheeler?: no
3] Do you ride four wheelers?: sometimes
4] Do you like to get dirty?: sometimes
5] Do you like country music?: no x1000000000000
6] Do you have a broken car in your back yard?: no
7] Do you own a cowboy hat?: no
8] Do you live on more then 2 acres?: no
9] Do you have more then 4 different animals at your home?: no
Total: 2?
--Goth--
1] Do you wear black eyeliner?: Yes.
2] Is most of your clothing dark?: yes
3] Do you think about death often?: not anymore
4] Do you want to die?: no
5] Are you a social outcast?: nope
6] Are you pale?: yes
7] Do you like Hot Topic?: yeah gotta prob with it bitch!?
8] Do you enjoy Tim Burton movies?: FUCK YES!!!!
Total: 5
--Skater/Punk--
1] Can you skateboard?: yup
2] Do you wear Vans?: no
3] Do you do stupid stuff with your friends?: Oh yeah.
4] Have you gotten in trouble with the Cops?: yes
5] Do you watch the x-games?: yes
6] Do you have any piercings?: yes
7] Do you like/wear Mohawks?: yes
8] Do you wear Band t-shirts?: yes
9] Have you called someone a poser?: not in awhile
Total: 7
--Raver--
1] Do you have issues concentrating when there are pretty lights? yes
2] do glow sticks have a completely different meaning to you? yes
3] do you call raves "Parties"? yup
4] can you not see your arms most of the time due to beaded bracelets? sometimes
5] do you have friends named things like Nexus, Green, Wolfie? yes
6] can you count on all fingers how many people you've made out with? nope
7] can you name at least five types of techno? yes
Total: 7
--Prep--
1] Do you say the word "like"?: yes
2] Do you shop at Hollister/Abercrombie&Fitch?: no
3] Do you pop the collar?: no
4] Do the people in Hot Topic scare you?: Nope
6] Do you watch LAGUNA BEACH?: no
7] Do you like pop music?: no
8] Do you want/have a little dog?: maybe
Total: 2
--Hippie--
1] Is your hair long?: yes
2] Do you own a tye-dye shirt?: not anymore
4] Do You want to save the animals?: Yes.
5] Do you think war is unnecessary?: sometimes
6] Is love essential in your life?: yes!yes!yes!
7] Have you smoked pot?: yes
[8] Do you like classic rock and trippy music?: sometimes
Total: 6
--Gangsta--
1] Do you act ghetto: No.
2] Do you wear do-rags?: No.
3] Do you like hip-hop?: yes
4] Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?: no
5] Do you believe he's alive?: no
6] Do you like afros?: only 1 so far
7] Have you ever said "Fo Shizzle"?: fo'shizzle my nizzle biotch!
8] Do you like to dance?: hells yes!
9] Do you own any Baby Phat or G-Unit?: no
Total: 4
--Emo--
1] Do you cry often?: ya
2] Do you wear hoodies: yup
3] Do you like soft music: depends
4] Do people understand you?: nope
5] Do you write your own songs?: yes
6] Ever dyed your hair red, black or dark: yes
7] Do you cut your hair?:yes
8] Are you lonely: no
9] Is Ohio for lovers?: no
Total:6
--Surfer--
1] Do you surf?: No
2] Do you wear flip flops year-round?: yes
3] Is your hair shaggy?: used to be
4] Do you wake up before 6 every morning?: sometimes o.O
5] Do you own any pairs of shorts?: yup
6] Are you tan?: no
8] Do you want to be at the beach right now?: yes
9] Do you hate tourists?: what tourists?
Total: 4
--Geek--
1] do you wear glasses? no
2] Do you get good grades?: sometimes
3] Do you use an inhaler?: Nope.
4] Do you stick pens and calculators into your shirt pockets?: No.
5] Does your mom pick out your clothes?: no
5] Are you on the computer often?: Yes.
6] Do you ever get picked on?: no
7] Do you look forward to go to school?: no
8]Are you shy around the opposite sex?: no
Total: 2
Whichever you got most "yes's" on is what you are.....put in the subject what you are.....and repost....
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[09 Oct 2005|11:27pm] |
IM SO GLAD PEOPLE COMMENT MY SHIT
MAKES ME SOOOO HAPPY
::SARCASM::
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| CuTe WhEn YoU sCrEaM <3 |
[11 Sep 2005|10:51pm] |
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mood |
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(Fuck with my heart)
I'll teach you what it's like.
(To be so used)
That you'll have to clean.
That dirt stuck in
Your plastic finger nails.
And just the scent of you is enough
(To make me sick)
And all I know is revenge is sweet when...
You know that you are worthless
And I am better than
The games that you play princess.
(I've played) and always win.
(I'll take my time)
To slowly plot your end.
(And now I will)
Spit bullets with my pen.
And all I know is you're cute when you scream.
You know that you are worthless
And I am better than
The games that you play princess.
(I've played) and always win.
I'll take you to the top,
Of this building and just push you off.
Run down the stairs so I can see your face
As you hit the street,
the street, the street, the street.
You know that you are worthless
And I am better than
The games that you play princess.
(I've played) and always win.
(This time I win. So here's your kiss goodbye.)
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[10 Sep 2005|09:28pm] |
today dad got me up at like 8am to help mom with a yard sale then at about noon i passed out listening to techno in my room..i woke up 3 or 4 times crying because of the dreams i was having...they were so weird...and they all had to do with me, ralee, her friend jay jay, mr siceloff, some little girl and my dad..then dad woke me up cause ralee was on the phone so i talked to her for like 2 minutes and went and took a shower then tonight i went with lauren and heather to the veiwing...
i was fine until we got in the room with all the pictures and the casket
then we all cried and hugged spencer and then came home
its still so hard to believe that he's gone
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| i stole this from caroline =) |
[10 Sep 2005|12:52am] |
1) When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you look at? ugh my face
2) How much cash do you have on you? none
3) What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"?: lame-o
4) Favorite plant?: i don't know.
5) Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?: i don't have a cell phone.
6) What is your main ring tone on your phone?: riiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnng riiiiinnnnnnnngg
7) Who is the last person you kissed?: ::cough::
8) Do you "label" yourself, could you? no.
9) What is one “weird“ thing about you? uh..
10) Who‘s face appears most in your Myspace inbox? to many
11) What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? caroline i luvs her<3
12) Who knows most of your secrets?: ralee
13) What were you doing at midnight last night? ummmm ::cough::
14) What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say? i dont have a cell phone
15) Do you ever click on "pop ups" or Banners?: no
16) What's a saying that you say a lot? man, fuck you..
17) Who told you they loved you last? raymond...
18) Last furry thing you touched? my doggie
19) What name appears in your text inbox most often? um
20) How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? none
21) Favorite age you have been so far?: 15
22) Last face to appear in your Myspace sent box? mike...
23) What is your current desktop picture? the orange box-ish compact thingy
24) What was the last thing you said to someone? lol
25) If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret?: money.
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| fuck your god |
[05 Sep 2005|10:33pm] |
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Your Lord and your Christ
He did this
Took all you had and
Left you this way
Still you pray, you never stray
Never taste of the fruit
You never thought to question why
It's not like you killed someone
It's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side
Praise the one who left you
Broken down and paralyzed
He did it all for you
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[04 Sep 2005|09:13pm] |
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mood |
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and when its over and done with
when the world is in shambles
will you be there by my side ...
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[04 Sep 2005|07:23pm] |
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I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG
GlassJaw
Lovebites And Razorlines
Who you fucking now
i use my slit wrist
to sign my name with
and when you cant compete with the joneses
gun em all down (even the father)
you fucking whore
shut up and swallow my pride for me
move closer and drive further
suck on the end of this dick that cums lead
but first im comin after you all
Its ladies night at the bar
and she smokes a mans cigar
i guess she's dying oh well
i dont give a fuck about your dignity
thats the bastard in me
i know a girl
who sells herself around
and im sure that one day
she'll sign autographs in your town
its like
you filthy whore
shut up and swallow my pride for me
move closer and drive further
suck on the end of this dick that cums lead
but first im comin after you all
looking back into my diary
what makes me say those things?
what causes my laughter at anothers disaster?
its the bastard in me
you fucking whore
i know a girl
who sells herself around
and im sure that one day she'll sign autographs in your town
i know a girl
who sells herself around
and im sure that one day she'll sign autographs in your town
who you fucking now you fucking live in shit
i strain myself i guess i guess
i fuck myself i guess i guess
i strain myself i guess i need it fucking whoreyou live in shit
and you will eat your own way out
i am too fly and shy like no other guy
im too fly and shy just for you
ILL MARK YOU ALL
i know a girl
who sells herself around
and im sure that one day
she'll sign autographs in your town [x2]
whos she fucking now?
who you fucking now
WHO YOU FUCKING NOW?
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[03 Sep 2005|09:40pm] |
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mood |
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so ralee called and said the show got cancled and not to be sad lol
i wasnt really sad just disappointed that everyone bailed on me
brandon got a hair cut it looks like mine used to lol he's such a cool kid
im bored as fuck and i need something to do before i pass out or something
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[03 Sep 2005|07:35pm] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
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i want to go to the beach and sit and smoke
and watch the sun set with my ralee baby
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[31 Aug 2005|11:37pm] |
=i hate when i get a message asking for nude pics=
=fucking losers=
So school is pretty easy so far...i guess its always been easy i just get bored so easily that i say fuck it and do something else
Friday im staying with ralee <333
Saturday some of us kids are going to the Glass Casket show <333
( meeee blah )
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